Hermione and the Architeuthis Hogwarts
by anonymouth
Summary: Written for Adephegia's Absurd Pairing competition  femmeslash   Because nobody said the Giant Squid was definitely male. And cephalopod's need love, too.


_Architeuthis is Latin for giant squid, apparently. It popped into my head in response to Adephegia's challenge, and I wrote it, because no one said for definite that the giant squid was male!

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It was a well known fact; Hermione Granger was a loner. Yes, she had made friends with Harry and Ron after the troll incident, and to her immense relief, they had remained steadfast friends; but to her mind having best friends didn't make her any less of a loner. Sometimes, she preferred the company of herself, or of a good book, be it historical; muggle; magical; or plain research.

On one of these occasions; when Ron was surreptitiously practicing for the next Quidditch try-outs and Harry was (not) busy with Ginny behind the broom shed, Hermione went for a walk to clear her mind, and soon found herself at the edge of the Black Lake.

She had never, in all of the six years she had been there, swam in the Hogwarts lake. Though she had scoffed at all the far-fetched tales of the Giant Squid of the Black Lake, she had to admit, if only to herself and not to anyone else, that the tales of the expanse of water unnerved her a little, and so she had avoided any unnecessary close contact with the place.

But one day...one day, she had found herself sitting on a rock, the whole perimeter of the lake unoccupied because of the depressingly misty weather, the slight drizzle sticking to everyone, making them wetter than they would be if it had been pouring down. Tears streamed down her face, and even though there was no one around, she still would not let her tears fall noisily, letting them instead mingle with the drizzle on her face and fall unnoticed. Unnoticed, or so she thought, until she felt a light brushing over her cheek. Startled, she jumped, because the touch was not anything she had ever expected; it suckered her cheek, brushing lightly yet keeping a firm grip even when she recoiled in shock.

Seeing no actual digits attached to the touch, she was on the verge of screaming; of scrabbling away; until she heard a most soothing melody.

Eyes still wide and heart still pounding, she nevertheless sat shakily back down on the rock, wishing she could keep one eye on the tentacle-like appendage stroking her cheek and use the other to follow it to its origin. Deciding that taking her eye off the tentacle already attached to her wouldn't kill her anytime soon, she slowly, almost painstakingly dragged her eyes along its length, gasping as her eyes dragged up the towering expanse of...thing sitting - wallowing, her ever-conscious intelligence corrected - in front of her.

Her eyes came to rest on one, and she immediately felt calmer; the deep, watery blueness of the eye mesmerising her; coupled with the strange, deep yet mellow sounds coming from the...thing, her brain felt lulled.

Though it should have been impossible, Hermione swore that the creature smiled softly at her. After all, she thought, it was a magic school; the impossible was always possible.

Hermione smiled as she felt the last of her tears drying up; she laughed, finding the fact ridiculous that a creature so huge that she would have had to walk 3/4 of a mile around the lake to look into its other eye could make her feel so much better in such a short amount of time.

"Are you ok?"

She felt, rather than heard, the words wash over her, and immediately felt floaty light. She smiled softly, and patted the tentacle that still smoothed her cheek.

"Much better. Thank you."

She felt the tentacle start to withdraw, and absurdly panicked a the loss of touch. She reached out her hand and grabbed it before it retreated fully. She sensed the creatures hesitation, and as if to invite, she gently stroked the suckers until the creature relaxed into her again.

"This is odd." hermione commented shortly.

She felt the tentacle she held stiffen, and raised her gaze to meet a hurt blue eye.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean.." she began, but was cut off with what sounded distinctly like a 'pfft'.

"Of course you meant it. Just because I am a cephalopod, you think I don't have human emotions. I bet you even thought I was a male!"

At the indignant tone with which the last sentence was said, Hermione thought it best not to answer truthfully.

"I'm sorry I never took the time to find out." she said instead, surprising herself with the truth of the statement. "And thank you; you didn't have to come and try to console me."

The giant squid shrugged. Hermione blinked, but then decided to just go with the flow; there must have been stranger things in the Wizarding World than Giant Shrugging Squids, after all.

"I get lonely, too." she answered, two tentacles wringing together nervously, as if afraid that Hermione would laugh at this admission. Instead, she nodded sympathetically.

"Couldn't Dumbledore see about getting you a companion?" she enquired.

The squid scoffed.

"Dumbledore is full of grand ideas; he "rescued" me from a tank in Germany, because he talked to me and realised that I actually preferred the company of humans. It made me somewhat of an outcast in the 'Pod meetings. He thought I would be happier here, but as soon as he brought me, it seemed he moved on to his next wonderful adventure...you know, saving the world and all that jazz. I am no better off here than I was there; at least there my own kind would acknowledge me, even if it was only to make fun."

Hermione nodded sympathetically.

"You...you prefer humans?" she asked tentatively.

The squid nodded hesitantly.

"I find their company much more enlightening than that of my own kind. Plus they are more attractive. Not that I have had much opportunity to interact with any. Minerva sometimes pops down for a chat, but her visits have been fewer since I admitted that I found the lingering smell of her animagus form somewhat attractive.I can't help it." the squid said, crossing her tentacles defensively as Hermione snorted.

"I'm sorry. It's just the image of anyone telling McGonagall that, let alone a Giant Squid!"

Hermione's laughter died as she noticed the uncomfortable silence that descended over the lake.

"I'm sorry." she said quietly. "I didn't mean to sound nastily flippant, but this is very new to me. Perhaps if I knew your name?"

"My name?" the squid frowned in intense concentration. "It's been so long..."

Hermione's eyes filled with compassion, until a light seemed to ignite in the Squid's eye.

"Cissa, they used to call me. Cissa..."

Hermione let the Squid's memories wander for a few moments, until she held out her hand.

"Cissa. I like it. Pleased to meet you. I'm Hermione."

Slowly, gingerly, Cissa extended a tentacle until Hermione grasped it and shook it firmly. Instead of letting it go, she held it in her lap, playing gently with the suckers.

They spent a while generally chatting; Hermione filling Cissa in on the goings on of the school and the eccentricities of the staff, whilst Cissa allowed Hermione a glimpse into fragments of her past, Hermione finding the forays almost as fascinating as speculating about Dumbledore's life.

They had been chatting for hours, and had just started in on another round of giggles when Hermione felt herself flying through the air. She squealed in delight as one of Cissa's tentacles held her tight and spun her around the lake, until she came to rest on another of Cissa's tentacles, just in front of her eye.

"I've really enjoyed this." Hermione said, meeting a suddenly serious blue gaze.

"You say that as if I'll never see you again." Cissa replied, sadness evident not only in her tone but in the way she seemed to sag in the water.

Hermione hurriedly placed both her hands on the squid's face.

"No no no," she soothed. "I meant that I've had fun, and I would love to do this again. I just wish that I had met you sooner."

Cissa visibly brightened.

"Good. Next time you can bring a picnic. And you seem like an intelligent enough sort; don't forget that I am around nine times your weight."

Hermione laughed and planted a kiss on Cissa, surprised that she was not in the least bit slimy.

The grounds seemed to hold its breath as eyes met an eye once again, and Cissa slowly lifted Hermione , and held her in front of what Hermione thought a surprisingly small mouth.

"Hermione, I..."

Hermione smiled softly and stroked Cissa's tentacle as she made the first move and leaned forward to plant a gentle kiss on the slit. She pulled back, her hand still stroking a tentacle, but when she looked down she couldn't help but let out a laugh. She met a questioning blue eye, and before Cissa could feel rejected, she looked pointedly down at the lake.

"You squirted."

Hermione had long since abandoned all thoughts of impossibilities, but she was mildly surprised to see the cephalopod turning a deeper shade of crimson.

When an embarrassed eye caught hers, they both giggled.

"Tomorrow?" Cissa enquired.

Hermione nodded.

"Tomorrow."

Cissa carefully placed her back on the grass, and lifted a tentacle to her mouth, blowing a kiss.

Hermione curtsied.

"Any requests?"

Cissa scratched her 'chin'.

"Champagne." She answered decisively. "And this Lake is in dire need of oysters."

Hermione nodded. "Ok. Until tomorrow."

Cissa watched Hermione until she was out of sight. She sighed, her heart feeling lighter than it had for a long time. Though, so did her ink levels. She rolled her eyes as she sunk under water, preparing answers for the no doubt highly annoyed and partially blinded mere-people that she would have to face. A wicked grin plastered itself on her features as the thought entered her head that, with any luck, it wouldn't be the last time, either.

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**Hope you enjoyed/got rather disturbed by! **

**And yes, I do know that squids don't squirt "like that". But hey, it's fiction, and magic!**

**Reviews would be cool :)**


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